Day 3 of 31 Days reflecting on our lives in Haiti
Day 3
Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For on him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.
-John 6:27
Come into my kitchen.
Come to a place that I used to find so peaceful and so restful. Especially for a person God gave hands that find joy in the preparation of food. This sweet moment captures Rachel's 8th birthday. And that little munchkin at the bottom found his 2nd favorite place to hang out....in the kitchen watching our Haitian cook prepare food. Mainly because she fell in love with him and Isaiah and kept giving them bites:)
This kitchen took months and months to make it feel like I could cook anything. It was so super challenging to have hired someone to cook for our family. For so many reasons! An area of my thoughts and expectations had not been dealt with until we began life in Haiti. That area was the beliefs I had, as to what an oversees missionary did.
This kitchen took months and months to make it feel like I could cook anything. It was so super challenging to have hired someone to cook for our family. For so many reasons! An area of my thoughts and expectations had not been dealt with until we began life in Haiti. That area was the beliefs I had, as to what an oversees missionary did.
You see, I had made a commitment when I was in college, 20 years ago while involved with Campus Crusade for Christ, that I would commit 1 year of my life to vocational ministry. I had planned to live in Madrid, Spain for 18 months right after college and God changed those plans. And so I had finally, finally gotten to step into that commitment. With that step came what I had heard and saw in the church and from missionaries that visited churches that I grew up in. I had no idea that I had placed all those ideas into my definition of what I was supposed to do and be while in Haiti.
And then we are in it! With a husband and four precious children. Without other missionaries living in our home or in a compound. We had to figure out how to run this home alone...aside from our cook, Frantczesse!
Along with every day survival; keeping water available, figuring out breakfast and lunch(Frantczesse did dinner because that's pretty much the only meal most Haitians eat), homeschooling, fighting bugs from the devil....doing laundry...
...we were missionaries...ambassadors! So we had planned our first 100 days...every day and part of that was learning the language, engaging the culture, evangelizing, team meetings....ministry!
I found myself really broken.
What I began to see was my kids struggling.
They weren't crying or sad.
They were acting out.
Arguing.
Being disrespectful in ways we never dealt with.
And so I talked with Aaron and decided I was done with language class. I think this truthfully was done with a frustrated heart. Let me be real. I didn't realize that my kids needed me because they were struggling with all the things I was struggling with. I didn't know that they were in the depths as much as I was. I knew I was created to nurture them and I begrudgingly grumbled at this decision to try to nurture when I felt incapable to help them in my brokenness and I felt my ministry was elsewhere outside our walls.
And so, I sat with Him. I decided to only do outreach about once a week. I pulled back from the definitions I had placed on myself as to what was ministry. And so I take you back into the kitchen...
So, a few months in I find myself dealing with mountains of struggles. I think I sent Malachi to his room every single day for disrespecting me in homeschooling. Isaiah was extremely aggressive and literally took a hammer to our tile in his anger towards anyone. Broke lights and doors...and struggled.
These things had escalated and one day I found myself in the kitchen trying to prepare dinner. I remember I had bought these local sweet potatoes. Totally NOT like anything in the US. Kind of like dealing with butternut squash and it's tough peel and sappiness. I had already firmly told the kids to have table time and be quiet while I cooked. I was fuming, lonely, weak and so very tired. I remember being so stinkin frustrated at those sweet potatoes. I started crying. I felt like my kingdom work was all crumbling. And then, my hand started burning. Like fire! It quickly spread up my arm and all over my shoulder. My arm turned red and I am literally screaming at it and smacking it because it feels like fire but it won't stop.
And I hear from the table..."Let's go help mom."
Tears are streaming down my face and my four little disciples surrounded me and laid their tiny hands on my arm. In the simplest, faith filled prayer, they commanded the pain to leave in Jesus Christ Mighty Name.
And...
...it was gone.
I could not have orchestrated that moment any better. To say that He works all things for His glory to those that love Him came to life in my kitchen that night. And I continued to cry and be in awe. Awe of the awesome God I love. Awe of the beauty of faith in the Healer. Awe of His promises. And awe that I mistook my mission. Yes, we were there in the darkness of Haiti. To bring His light and love in a very hopeless place.
But, my mission, for the rest of my life starts in our marriage. And then our children. He was so lovingly taking the valleys and gushing rivers that felt like they were tearing me away from the path and sharpening our arrows.
"Children are a gift from the Lord;
they are a reward from him.
4
Children born to a young man
are like arrows in a warrior’s hands.
5
How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them!"-Psalms 127:3-6a
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