Monday, December 29, 2008

Brace yourself...I am broken

So...where do I start??? I will post some photo's of the past month and let you see our fun trip to Vail for Thanksgiving and of course heading into December with Aaron's parents living here for three weeks...then we go straight into Christmas. But today I need to blog something on my heart. I feel as if the Lord has brought me to another breaking point in my life. I can fondly remember praying to be broken because I knew I needed it...badly...at certain points in my walk with the Lord. This time...I didn't pray for it. But deep inside the Holy Spirit has reminded me that I really want to be broken. I do love refinement, especially if it means I can be more like Him. So the things that really happened to open my eyes are somewhat sad and painful. On December 14th Dad and Mum (Aaron's parents) the kids, and I headed to church that morning...Aaron has to work so we're praying this church we love will start an early service so he can come with us, but for now he goes to our couples Bible study....anyway. I was in a rush to leave and placed my bible in it's case and notebook on the roof of the car and hopped in the back seat between the kids. And about a block from the church I realized it wasn't with me. Let me say that typing this is bringing tears to my eyes. That bible was given to me as part of Aaron's proposal to me. When I was 11 years old I had written a prayer and request...as some might say a "Gideon" challenge to the Lord. I said that I wanted a clear sign that the man I was to marry was from the Lord. I asked that I would be proposed to with a new bible with my first name and a space for his last name to become mine. I never told Aaron this. It had to be between me and the Lord...and a few close girlfriends. The night he proposed was amazing. It was on my college campus, CSU!!!, at the chapel I'd spent almost every day at alone with the Lord. That bible was sitting outside on a small table with rose pedals all over the ground, candles leading into the outer porch which was drapped in red ribbon and surrounded with white sheets. It had a single red rose in the middle of it and was oppen to Ephesians 5 with a special bookmark in it. When he asked me "do you know what that is?" I of course was playing like it wasn't really happening..."a bible"...."Ephesians".... "No...it's yours.." I picked it up and many things clicked. We'd never said I love you because we agreed that those words had been used loosely in our past and we wanted to mean it completely. So we'd never given each other red roses...ever! Of course we didn't kiss right than because we had our first kiss/makeout session at our wedding! Well worth it. But I looked at the outside of that bible and only my first name was on it! He needn't say another word. I knew...but did he know...how could he? He had no idea of my "Gideon" challenge...He just felt I needed a new bible. Inside that bible is his first love letter with "I love you" written in it for his proposal. Along with leaves, pedals, letters, pictures and many of my notes and special dates written in it...and it's gone. I've posted posters along the roads out of the neighborhood and driven the drive at least six times. I posted a notice on craigslist and checked the Coloradoan every day. It's gone. I'm so unbelievably sad.
So I began to wonder why I miss something that I haven't spent much time in this past ....long while! I then press on and here comes the holidays. On December 19th I wake up with some serious lower back pain. Inside though and not in my bones. My usual answer to this pain is walk it off or take a Tylenol and nap when the kids sleep. I assume it's fun constipation from have my kiddos...had it ever since Malachi was born. Well...it didn't go away and when I peed it burned. So I'm begining to not be able to stand so I call the doc and they say I have to rush to urgent care...so Aaron comes home and we drive way across town...have my urine test while I'm screaming and moaning in pain...just blood...no infection and they say I need to get to the ER. Yep...near our house. And we catch traffic. Sweet Malachi had noticed I was in some sort of mess and said to me at home when I was laying on the floor waiting for Aaron..."mommy, I so sorry you're hurting."...but from then on was himself and kept repeating my moans and whining..it's ok. Rachel on the other hand was very concerned. She kept patting me and saying "momma" So I hop into the ER wheelchair and finally get in...the hospital was full. So my sis took the kids and Aaron and I spent a very long night in the hospital. After six hours in triage and a catscan I had apparently a extremely large kidney stone that would never pass and was probably there a very long time. So the next day I had surgery to remove it and a stint put in. I was on morphine in the hospital which didn't help until they'd given me about seven shots. Yeh...labor was easier in so many ways...and I had no epidural. So the week of holidays and family I was on vicodin, nausua meds and antibiodics. It was not fun. Although I am so thankful there was some fam here to help me with the kids I missed out on having the fun CHRISTmas in our first home I really wanted to have.
I am better now. I have some pain and I do have more tests to do....apparently my kidney stone was supposed to only contain 5-10% calcium phosphate and it was somewhere around 95% and the doc is very concerned. So I will see what that's all about and go from there. But today...I know that I am broken. I have not been in the Word consistantly in so long it angers me. The Lord has been with me so long in my life I remember calling Him my only Love. And it was how I understood being single and I had brought that into marriage in the sense that I love the Lord before my husband and love my husband before my kids. I miss that great drive I used to get to tell people about the Lord Jesus and my testimony...I miss the conversations I had with the Lord through His Word. And yet He reminds me now that we've talked every day. He's my first love and will always be...and He will never fail me. EVER. He is why I am the way I am...why my husband is so amazing, and why I'm here at this point....telling you I'm broken. Although that Bible means so much to me that's not the reason I said yes to Aaron...no way! Aaron loves the Lord above anything and anyone and lives for Him in all he does. His passion for the Word and knowledge of what the Lord's teaching him through it is amazing. When I knew I'd marry him...the day we started courting, it wasn't that I needed a "sign" in the form of a bible I knew Aaron was it because he loved the Lord, the Word, and was full of joy and humble and had a wonderfully fun sense of humor. And I miss that bible because it is special and I pray that the person that found it kept it to read. I really hope it guides them to know the Man I've loved most of my life and lived for, no matter what any friend or stranger thought of me. He loves me unconditionally and died for me. That's amazing. So...I sit here tonight I have my old beat up bible I gave to Aaron the night of our wedding and know it's still His Word. That's all I need. That refreshing sweet Word of the Lord and even though the outside of that bible doesn't have my married name...it still was me...but I am who I am now...a wife, mom...lover of Jesus Christ. So....that is why I am broken...and I think I'm so happy to be.

Friday, November 14, 2008

First real birthday party!!! Yippeee!





We were so blessed to have Malachi's first real birthday party and people actually came! I know...he won't remember much but he realized soon that it was all about him and he had a blast. It was so fun and our new friends who lived a few homes down came by with their little guy, Tanner, who's so close to Malachi's age. It was great.



So here's his first real birthday cake! And sad to say only Malachi and Tanner ate them but he was so stinkin excited for cars!!






And of course a Mickey Mouse fruit bowl...he'd rather have fruit than cake!






Here's sweet Tanner and precious Rachel puttin the moves on his food!






Gorgeous Avery had a blast with Rachel trying to eat Malachi's fake food!!


And his big gift from Nanny and Grampy....a wood train track set!!! Yeh...he loved it but we don't have a place to set it up yet...so he's been super distracted by cooking with his fake food!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Happy 3rd birthday!!

Everywhere we move we've made searches for some indoor fun we can take Malachi to. We found on Wednesdays that the roller rink down the road has toddler skate time from 10-12...well they don't advertise much so we were the only ones on the rink!! There were a few young girls running around in the blow up jumping toys...but Malachi and daddy got to skate for $2.50...even better! And it worked out to be on his birthday!! Rachel just walked everywhere and when I picked her up to go she was absolutely wiped out!
As far as the rest of the day....Malachi had his first visit to the dentist!! But don't worry...they didn't even get to clean his teeth. Which to say the least has us looking for a real pediatric dentist who is prepared for kiddos! But he went and watched Daddy get his teeth cleaned.








The things they learn...

Yesterday I saw the most amazing thing ever. I have never really put thought into the process or activities that lead a child to act a certain way...but more recently these strange reactions and behaviors of my kiddos has made me curious. As Malachi and I were laying on his bed looking at some books...Rachel is usually at the side of the bed trying to climb up...and destroy his books. When he was done he scooted off the bed and just barely wipped his foot in front of her face...grazing it. Not even nudging her. I sat and stared as this face of ...."should I get angry? should I cry?" face came over my daughter. She scrunched her nose, looked over her shoulder at him and then the look at me...she screamed! HA! I'm dying. He didn't even touch her and she knew that she would try to work it for all it was worth. Man..she's only 14 months old!! Crazy kid. She is most deffinetely a younger child and a GIRL! I just laughed. She knows when to scream or cry for him to get into some sort of trouble. Poor little guy...at least we're pretty aware of her little plans.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

My son is turning 3 tomorrow

Tonight as I put Malachi down to bed we finished praying and I laid my head on his chest. I heard his hear beating so fast and hard and it brought tears to my eyes as I remembered the first time we heard that precious heart on the monitor. After a tough miscarriage it was absolutely the most exciting and stressful moment of our life. And even though we heard it that time and many times after...it was amazing to hear it getting stronger and then when he joined our lives outside of my tummy it was amazing. He looked just like his daddy. Absolutely handsome and beautiful at the same time. It's never going to be easy as a mom to think of my children growing up. But I rejoice in where he is as a young boy and pray for him to be a godly young man. He's joy, sensitivity, cautiousness and love for his sister, daddy and hopefully mommy is contagious. He's a beautiful creation from the Lord and we praise God that we get to help raise him and see this eternal being grow. Happy birthday a day early my son. I love you dearly.








A day to dress up!

So...for this Halloween the kids dressed up for the entire day. It was fun for them and me. We aren't big on this holiday as far as the creepy scarry stuff...or the candy(since the kids don't get any...and we don't need it either:))But we hope to share the love of Christ to those that come by our house...and let me say thousands of kids came by!! And next year we'll be better prepared for that many kids. So Malachi dressed as Thomas the tank engine. And of course precious Rachel wore Malachi's monkey costume from last year!! Fit great. They had a blast walking around outside with their cousin Avery who was a duck. And the first house Malachi went to for some type of treat the guy said to just grab something out of the basket on the table in his yard. Of course we looked and saw the candy...and an extra basket with individually wrapped prunes. Malachi loves prunes so I told him to grab one and thank the man. The man stoped me and said.."ah...you know those are prunes? Right" I said.."yeh...my son loves prunes." He said that they were there as a gag for his old friends that come by with their kids. I just thanked him for something I'd actually give my son! It was hillarious. He couldn't believe it! Malachi doesn't know candy yet and I'm super glad. He does not need it. So...a fun night indeed!






















Hat day

Sometimes as a mom we forget that there is fun in so many things for our kiddos as they grow. I get so used to the routine of our day I forget to find simple new things for the kids to play and learn with. So this day I had hung Malachi's hat rack within reach for him since he's old enough to hang them back up. Well...it was a fun hat day and also some great pic's for future jokes!!!

This will most deffinetely be in his senior yearbook...no matter what!!!

Our fearless daughter is a girly girl...


Precious Rachel is fearless...to say the least. There is rarely a day where she's not cut or bruised from her attempts at catching up to Malachi or getting something high or out of reach. To my surprise this day she found my empty purse...put it on her arm and walked around with it ALL day! It was hillarious. Precious little Rachel loves that purse so much...I let her borrow it! She puts toys in it too!! Fun to see how they learn from us so much. And I just love these photos...they turned out great and unique!

Helping Daddy!

There is one sweet precious thing the Lord has placed in Malachi and that is his desire to help. This kiddo loves to help...loves to! When he was about 2 he started taking out the garbage with Daddy and then got hooked on unloading the dishes. So much that one night when he was eating green beans..which neither of my kids like...Aaron was unloading dishes. Malachi refused to eat his beans and Aaron said you have to finish them or no bath. Well...once Aaron started unloading the dishes Malachi freaked and wanted to help. Aaron said..."If you eat your green beans you can help unload the dishes." Yeh...you got it...he shoveled those green beans down to help with dishes!!! HA HA! So here at the house there's not much fixen to do yet...but Aaron put some extra screws in the fence for stability for the last few years that fence has...and Malachi helped. While Rachel looked on and wanted to be out there so bad!! It was pretty cold...even though Aaron's wearing shorts.
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Harvest Pumpkin patch time!!!


This year was a blast going to one of the local pumpkin patches with my sister, bro-in-law and niece. The kids had so much fun and of course we got a great deal on a few pumpkins to carve and eat the seeds from them. So here's our venture and our crazy carving ideas...enjoy!








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So here's Uncle Brians creation!

And here's Auntie Rachel's ...she copied it from the carving set...but it's fun!(sorry the pic is sideways..opps)Here's a few pictures of Aaron's...which took a few days...it's the logos of his work...Bedroom Expressions and Oak Express. He did great!

And last...my favorite morning drink...decaf or caf...I DON'T CARE...I love it!